Explosion Adds to Julyteenth Fireworks Event

A Dark Corner Vignette - Always Fictional, Somewhat Factual

Dark Corner, SC - Local residents attending the month-long Julyteenth fireworks demonstration at the Smokey Estates Recreation and Vaping Park were treated to natural pyrotechnics as lightening strikes local business.

The evening was cloudless and stars were just beginning to show when lightning struck Big Rhonda’s Menth, Meth & Vape Shoppe. “Just like an act of God!” declared Big Rhonda Higginbotham, proprietor. When asked if her insurance was paid up she replied in the affirmative. “I haven’t been this excited since I won three $20 scratch-offs in a row!”

The fire reached the shop’s propane tanks before the Dark Corner Volunteer Fire Department’s Tanker and Mobile BBQ Truck could arrive. Those who were seated beside the campsite’s water treatment retention pond were able to dive into the water to escape the propane fueled maelstrom. There were no reported injuries other than some singed eyebrows which in certain parts of the DC are considered beauty marks.

Two brothers attempted to take credit for the explosions. “We was shootin’ our pellet rifles at the side of them propane tanks just hear the clink. We didn’t know they would explode” remarked Little Spud Aiken. His brother, Big Spud, nodded his head in agreement.

After a perfunctory investigation of the facts by Dark Corner Fire Chief Bedell Riddle, he issued the following statement: “After looking at the evidence, I have determined that the Aiken brothers were not shooting pellets at Big Rhonda’s propane tanks as they claimed but were in the bathhouse where they were indisposed due to an overindulgence in the consumption of Neapolitan milkshakes. Remember that though we believe in milkshake diversity, there is no worse intolerance than lactose intolerance.”

Julyteenth commemorates the legalization of fireworks in the Dark Corner though the event does cause controversy. Recently arrived residents have complained about the negative effects of fireworks on their NICPTSD (Northern Inner-City Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) acquired after past prolonged exposure to drive-by shootings and other instances of gun-controlled related violence.

Myra Takopicz, a recent transplant from Chicago and a community activist with the SPFOFTFG (Society for the Prevention of Fireworks and Other Fun Things Fueled by Gunpowder) complained, “I just don’t see why these people are free to celebrate freedom.”

All characters are fictional but the article contains at least one fact. Guaranteed.