Missing Brain Found Under Mobile Home

A Dark Corner Vignette - Always Fictional, Somewhat Factual

Dark Corner, SC -- Deputies were called to Smokey Estates Recreation and Vaping Park late Saturday afternoon after a brain was found under a mobile home.

Leeza Higginbotham was sweeping off the concrete blocks leading up to the back door of her son’s residence when she noticed a Georgia Boot shoebox under the mobile home where the underpinning had rusted through. Upon opening the box, she discovered a large brain. “I know’d that was a brain. When we was young’uns our mama would scramble cow brains in with our eggs to make us smart. So’s I knowed it was a brain. I ain’t scared of it. I poked at it with the broom but I ain’t scared of it.”

Deputies took the brain into protective custody until its rightful owner could be found. Calvin Higginbotham, a son of Leeza Higginbotham, was also taken into custody and held on suspicion of desecrating human remains and receiving stolen goods.

County coroner, Broadus Aiken, was called to determine if the brain came from a human being or a large animal. “Well, I’ve never heard tell of any human brains being in that trailer park, so I was surprised that this particular brain is an adult human brain.”

After intensive questioning during his arraignment, Calvin Higginbotham admitted to stealing the brain. Fearing that he was a devil worshipper, Judge Justus Pile ordered Higginbotham held at the county hospital where he would undergo a psychiatric exam. Judge Pile reasoned that a man who would steal a brain might be lacking one.

After extensive testing by Dr. Preston Luckadoo, the county’s leading brain authority, Higginbotham was determined to be nothing more than a creative partaker of illegal drugs. Higginbotham admitted to stealing the brain to drain out the formaldehyde, an idea that he claimed came from an article in this newspaper about the need to raise our educational standards so we could avoid a brain drain.

Higginbotham also admitted to soaking his marijuana cigarettes with the formaldehyde to enhance his euphoria. He said, “the dang stuff tastes like dog puke but it makes me crazy and I like it!”

The brain’s identity still remains a mystery. Judge Pile ordered the brain to be held with Dr. Luckadoo for safekeeping. He was last seen clutching the shoebox close to his chest, laughing deliriously while muttering, “I have missed my smart little squeeze toy” and dancing in his new Georgia boots.

All characters are fictional but the article contains at least one fact. Guaranteed.